Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
