my vag is so smooth its legendary
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
