Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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