I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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