Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
