That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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