that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
