its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
