How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just had sex bonerless
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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