i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
