did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
