when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
