we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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