Do you still have your period?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
