Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize