Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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