High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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