She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i believe in u and ur pee
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
