I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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