I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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