Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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