I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
