lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I have surprise drugs for everyone
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
