jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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