Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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