Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
