Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
