I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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