Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
