I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize