If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Randomize