maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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