make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize