Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
