so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
