Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
