Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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