she woke up with a sticky ear
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
