I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize