If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
