On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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