Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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