she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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