I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
