Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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