mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
