We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
