Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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