i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
