had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
