If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
