she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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