just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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