I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
