If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
