fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Two words: blizzard sex
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
