He asked to "fluff my boner.."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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