i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
