I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
