awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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