I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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