It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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