sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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