Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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