are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
