hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
