You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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