I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
