God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
