While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
