Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
