Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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