I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
