He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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