you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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