I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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