I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
