Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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