My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
