she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
