just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
