Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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