Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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