This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
