It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
