we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
