dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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