I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
