Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
