i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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