I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
