ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
