It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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