it hurts more in the daytime
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
