Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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