If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
where are my eyebrows?
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