Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
