You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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