she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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