If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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