Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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