I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
