our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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