I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize