how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
