My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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