even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize