Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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