I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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