I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
